Ugh. It's 1:30 in the morning, I'm updating my resume.

I forgot what a royal pain doing this was. It's been a while, but I'm using some "life experience" from caring for my wife on here, too. I hadn't thought about it before, thinking I'd have this big gap in my employment (I haven't "worked" for 18 months, almost 19 now.) Yet, looking at what I've had to do with her, I've essentially been doing low-level management stuff.

Cool... now if that just comes across on the resume.

I don't have every little job here and there on it - I don't want to write a book, or put every two week temp job or whatnot on the resume. Just the highlights.

It's the 30th - last day to vote over at Modeling Madness, so maybe after this I can put my three Hawks up on my OTHER web page finally, which has really been hurting for updates. Of course, I've been hurting for a decent hobby shop, and modeling supplies, and money, and time, and sanity too...

You know, my wife keeps talking about not wanting to let me go, even though she (and her mother) brought up how stressed I've been getting because of having to care for her. (Yay, run on sentence.) See, she has MS. I've been trying to care for her, though it hasn't been... well, easy, true. We found out she had MS, but it didn't really "affect" us at first. She had some balance issues and things, no big deal. She started on Avonex, and because there was no work here, I left for my home state of Wisconsin.

Well, I came back here six months or so later because she'd started to have seizures. I gave up a job (temp, but still, wiping down bikes after being glued together at Trek for $9/hour wasn't bad.... 3 AM was bad, but $9 an hour wasn't .) Gave up a decent size apartment (used to be a storefront, very LONG apartment, $525/mo.) And drove back on the tail end of a winter storm (so much fun in the mountains) to here, Oregon, to care for her.

Hell, I didn't know if she'd even be alive this long, given how her seizures were at the time.

That was 18 months ago. I haven't held a job since then. We've fought to get her disability, to pay for an apartment for me for a year (no room at her mother's place, which is where I am now.) And a lot of stress... to the point where it's affected me, both physically and mentally.

They noticed, sat me down, and talked to me. Leah feels bad (as usual - hate to say that, but it's true) and thinks it's her fault I'm so stressed. No, it's not, I made the choice to come back here, after all... She feels sort of lost, since we'll be divorcing (to help her with the government, and for my health, essentially) - I cant' say I blame her, I'll feel the same way. I have one thing going on she doesn't seem to, though - I feel like a failure, like I couldn't cut it, like I couldn't be what I needed to be for her...

Not for lack of trying, mind you.

And now she's talking to an old boyfriend. Her first boyfriend, apparently, who we found when someone else replied to an ad I put in the paper to take a pile (BIG pile) of old Macs off my hands. Turns out the person who replied is the ex's brother. They never broke up, he joined the navy or something, then just disappeared after two letters. They're talking a lot now... sometimes 8 hours a day (online.)

Not sure how I feel about that at the moment. On the one hand, I've never been *jealous.* And she's going to need someone to talk to when we're finally divorced. On the other hand, we're not divorced *yet.* And he told her he never fell OUT of love with her - that that fact, actually, helped end his marriage.

Yay. And sometimes I feel she's hiding something... I don' tknow. He's not around, it's not like she's fooling around on me or anything. I just... Idunno.

Kit noews - working on a Lindberg P6E Hawk. Wish I'd known how the interplanestruts were supposed to go. Started to hate this kit.. tried trimming stuff to fit, didn't quite work, because the struts weren't lined up right. Now that they are, the struts are too short... and don't even talk to me about rigging it. Ugh. Not fun.

God, I love Windows. No, really.

Only decent power we get in this area of the house comes from an extension cord from the other room. Seems the cats have managed to run over and yank the cord - not so it's completely out, but partway there... So, I'd be sitting at the computer, doing whatever, and it'd work. Walk past, down the stairs (shaking the floor a little - it's not a stable house,) come back and... WTF, the computer's off? Turn it on, work on it, go to the bathroom... it's off. Reboot, go into Linux to see if it's just something in Windows. Well, that's working... head out to make dinner. Come back, it's off. Play with APM settings. Doesn't help.. but it does screw up Windows. And since this thing's running XP, well...

New install. Wipe out Linux (which I barely use, no time to learn or figure out its quirks at the moment) so I have a fresh partition and can save the data on the old one. Wife complains that she's losing network connections about the same time (through a hub.) Great... power problem. Plug the plug back in, everything's happy... except me, who now has to do a 35 minute install. Plus, since this is the second time in 30 days I've had to reinstall, I get to sit on hold with Microsoft to activate Windows. Yay. (Can't complain, it was a quick call. Still, activation still strikes me as a bit... well, of a pain.)

Anyway. So now I'm back up and running, at least. And on the Great Driver Hunt again.

Think my next system will be at *least* an eMac. I really want to play with OS X, and I've liked Macs for a long time... I have some older ones around (Quadra-era) and have a blast with them, but you really dont' want to try to get online with 'em, you know? Whenever I get that, email's going over there (virus? Ha!) as well as most website stuff. Games? eMac when possible, PC otherwise. Yeah, I'll keep running both.

Ugh.

Just had a tooth pulled. Thanks to massive cuts at the Oregon Health Plan, it's not covered by insurance. Have to figure out a way to get $180. And I just found that someone (bet it's one of the credit card companies that's been calling my wife to give her a new card) tried to make a $250 or so withdrawl... which obviously bounced...

Rrrrrrgh.... I hate this....

Plus, I'm hungry, can't eat for a bit, when I *can* it has to be liquid... friggin' tooth.

Little addendum here.

Looking at my last two entries, one might get the idea I'm anti-Christian. I'm not. I do have a problem with extremists, with those who would use religion to take over and force things to be *their* way.

I've met a few true Christians in my time. Robertson and his ilk are pretenders. I've met witches, atheists, and other decidedly non-Christians who are more Christian than his type.

But his type gets the press. And it's bad for not just Christianity's image, but for religious growth in general.