Well, I've been quiet for a while.

To be honest, I've been busy (and I'm not sure how many people actually read this page anyway.) I've had a new job start up, which forces me up at 3 AM (if I'm able...) to drive an hour to Portland. Half the day on the phone with people, half the day recovering in email. Still, it's something I know, and am good at. The joy of tech support.

Still, it's not bad. Decent pay, though not the highest I've gotten (overtime about matches - eh, beats by a few cents - the pay I got at Veritas.) And it's the first real work I've had in two years.

And somehow, I've become the Mac man. Anyone has Mac questions, they ask me. This is funny, since - until today - the newest Mac I've had access to is a Quadra 840A/v. OSX? It can't run anything newer than 8.1. But I like the Mac, and read up on them constantly.

Well, today, I got my beige G3 minitower. Yes, there are newer ones out there. No, it can't run Panther (without help.) Yet it has 10.2 on it, a third party graphics card, a CD burner, a USB card - all stuff that, like RAM, I'd have to add (came with 256 Mb.) Not bad for $130+shipping, I think.

All I can say is that OS X is a very "happy" OS. No, not "gay," since modern slang usage has made even the moronic use of the word even more rediculous. Happy as in "Hi, how are you? Got an app to run? OK, let's go! It'll be fun!"

And you know what... it is.

Macs rock.

Well, PC Magazine's talking about the ban on an Internet tax coming to an end (or rather, being in need of being made permanent.) My response, as on their message board, follows:

Taxing Internet usage would be absolutely rediculous. It would be like taxing freeway usage - yes, I know there are toll roads, but they're far from common.

Do this because of state and federal budget issues? Why would they shoot themselves in the foot?

Going back to freeway usage as an example, how would they do it? A penny per mile? Charge more for semis, less for motorcycles? Increase or decrease the rate according to if you're within X miles of a city or between them? And while they'd get some of their tax money, how much travel (and more importantly, how much BUSINESS) would decrease - thus getting them less money for the tax and hurting the economy even more?

Similarly, Internet usage - what would they do, charge a penny a megabyte? A penny per email, five cents per website? (This ignores, of course, the ever present privacy issues that this would bring up - I don't want the government snooping in my email, knowing that I bought a "Best of Bread" CD on eBay on October 35th, then visited Megatokyo.com.) Would there be different rates for "just" email, moderate usage, heavy/gaming usage, and businesses?

And how fast would Internet business (where they'd really want to make their money) die down? Where would the "fairness" of websites - where a mom-and-pop business can have a "storefront" that looks just as professional as a multibillion dollar company - go? The mom and pop may not be able to afford to stay in business at that point, or at leasat to keep their website up.

If a tax on Internet usage were passed, you might as well haul all of the congress and the president away for domestic terrorism, because they'd do more damage to the economy of this country - *permanent* damage - than ten 9/11s.

Cool.

First paycheck, end of the week, the company's really cool (Stream Int'l,) great overall culture, and "eavesdropping" leaves no worries about heavyhanded management or, conversely, anarchy....

Think I'm going to like it. It'd be nicer if I lived closer, given that I burn about 1/3 of a tank of gas 'round trip, but that's something to tackle when my income's steady and I know I'm going to be there for a long while. (I'm sure I will be, but still.)

Just won a 1/100 Aile Strike Gundam kit too. Little hobby work again. Eventually I'll have to update my hobby site (http://modeler.pthppt.com or http://airmodeller.tripod.com - the first is where it is now, the second is where it has been for a long, long time.)

Apple - Installable Parts Instructions

Sorry, just had to link to that. See, I FINALLY got a new job... no, not for Apple (damn.) But the eMac is going to be my christmas present to myself. Under $1000, bumped up to 512 Mb RAM, probably AirPort... might be more if I go for the Superdrive instead of Combo Drive (DVD writer as well in the Superdrive.)

Still... I tend to download manuals when I can, or at least read through memory/part/etc. replacement proceedures. Given the eMac's design, I wasn't sure how easy it would be to add memory or an Airport (802.11g wireless) card. Manual? Bah - watch a quick video!

Major kudos to Apple. Not only is it *damn* easy (and they give a convenient grounding point,) but they put the video on the website so you can *see* what needs doing.

Cool.

So, Christmas-present-wise, I'll get an eMac, my wife'll probably get a notebook. She'll be happy.

Well...

The Athlon 64 is out. Cool. Too bad I can't afford one.

Too bad it looks like I have to rethink how I get a job, too... since being a good husband and taking care of my wife when she got *really* sick, really badly, got me *really* fired (I can't argue, I did miss a lot of time, and Veritas was very cool about it - she has MS.) Problem is, that was FOUR YEARS AGO.

And it *still* flags me on everyone's damn computer based applications, so I don't get hired. It's not a problem any more! we know what's wrong, she's medicated, she's got a caregiver, and I'm hours away!

But that doesn't matter to a damn computer, does it...

I hate automated applications.... "No good deed goes unpunished." And... for Best Buy (where I finally found out what was happening,) when you get called a "BestMatch" if they bother interviewing you after the compu-application (comp-lication? It fits,) all I can say is... "Step away from the corporate culture and come out with your hands up."

Yeah, computer nerd going to BB for a job. As out of place as a surgeon in the meat department....

Cool. My other site looks like it's a successful transfer to its new home... Woohoo! No more popups!

OK, time to throw a bunch of stuff on here.

Wife's OK. Woohoo!
Mom's in the hospital still. Heart catheter coming up today. Ick. Good luck, Mom. You rock...

I've got to push a few sites here that I really like.
First: http://www.megatokyo.com. Awesome webmanga. Or, if you prefer, l337 comic. ph34r the m4ng4. (God, I hate typing like that... but if you read the manga, you'll understand why.)
Second: http://www.9thelsewhere.com. Short, reasonably new, undeniably cute, strong, and touching.

I'm getting quite a collection to check out. Hey, they're free... if I ever start working, these guys (and a few others, like Sluggy and Userfriendly) are getting some donations. Then I'm buying a collection of Inuyasha, Trigun, and more...

Last - Microsoft, Pseudo-bungie, you suck.

Yeah, HALO's coming out on PC (FINALLY) and Mac (Soon.) Yet, they tossed all the work the REAL, pre-buyout Bungie did down the crapper so they could have an "XBox Exclusive, please buy our wannabe console, please please please" title - gutted from what HALO was supposed to be. Then they farmed out a PORT to TWO different companies (one PC, one Mac.)

Think it'll be as good as the REAL HALO from the ORIGINAL BUNGIE would have been? Doubt it... *sigh* That after selling off the Myth franchise.

Doubt I'll buy it... if I do, it'll be either used, or massively discounted. We'll see. 'Til then, I'll find my old Mac copies of Pathways, and Marathon, Marathon II: Durandel, and Marathon: Infinity, fire up one of the old Macs (anyone have an eMac to send me?) and play real Bungie goodness....

Helluva day.

Find out my wife went into the hospital yesterday (yes, I hate being away) because of seizures. She's in all day today for observation, probably going home tomorrow.

THEN I get an email that my mom's in the hospital, too, with chest pains...

This week, so far, sucks.

Well.

Another new virus, more people going "Gee, duh, maybe this time MS really DID send me a patch!" More people getting infected, auto-sending more virusses out there.

Damn, folks, get a clue....

Oh well, doesnt' look like it's going to be fiexed just yet.

We named our... never-born children tonight. My wife has had two miscarriages, and she... well, still has problems with it. Holding on to them, I mean - she hasn't completely said goodbye.

So we worked on that tonight.

Good bye, Rowan Rain and Sean Ailill... we'll hold our memorial later, but we would have loved to know you, raise you - yet perhaps we couldn't have done justice to you, the way things are at the moment.

Thank you, if you left in kindness.

Be at peace.

Well...

Blogger's acting weird. Can't seem ore than half of one line, so if this looks strange... my apologies.

I'm pissed.

No, not drunk "pissed." (I don't get drunk, tend to like remembering what I'm doing and not acting like an ass.) Talked to my wife today. Seems she overheard a conversation between her older sister and her mom. Her sister told her mom that she (my wife) "wasn't worth" all the time and effort to care for her.

Well, Tasha, you can go fuck yourself. How FUCKING dare you say such a thing about ANYONE, much LESS family. You've got a fucking autistic kid. How'd you like to have someone tell YOU she wasn't worth the effort to care for? On top of it, how about the kid UNDERSTANDING?

Tasha, you self-centered slut of a bitch.... It's ALWAYS about you with you, isn't it. You don't give a rat's ass for your sister, unless you can get something out of it. Go to hell.

And her mom, saying she knows me better than Leah. Yeah, sure, she doesn't even know how old I am. Meanwhile, Leah and I have been married for nearly 5 years. Sure, you know me better than Leah. Uh huh. You're in no position to judge me.

If you can't tell, I *AM* very pissed off.

Leah, we'll get you out of there....

*sigh*

It's been two weeks (just about) since I moved away from my wife.

I really miss her.

In other news - they have the writer of the Blaster/LoveSAN worm. And who is it? Dumpy, stupid kid... big suprise. Castrate the loser.

I want a mac.

This whole Alabama courthouse thing is silly.

More specifically, it's making the Christians defending the ten commandments seem absolutely inept. The argument I hear over and over again is that "The Constitution was inspired by the Ten Commandments" and "The Ten Commandments are the foundation of our laws!"

Um... no.

First argument -
"The constitution was inspired by / based on / related to the Ten Commandments."

No, it wasn't. http://www.house.gov/Constitution/Constitution.html has a copy of it. It deals with seperation of powers, with the foundation of a body of government, with who has power to make war, that sort of thing. Even the basic "Murder is illegal, theft is illegal" isn't in there.

There is NO parallel to be found between the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Second argument -
"The Ten Commandments are the foundation of our laws."

No.

First, several commandments would go *against* our laws. Specifically "I am the Lord thy God, who led your people out of Egypt. You shall have no other gods before me" (or no "strange" gods, or any other way it's worded.) Also "Thou shalt make no graven image."

These go against the federal law which prohibits establishment of an "official" religion. Making these part of the "law of the land" would immediately make many religions illegal - anything but judaism, actually. (Nobody worshipped Christ when the law was given, and it could be said that the monument at Mecca is an "idol," so even Christianity and Judaism could be called "illegal.")

Then there's the "you shall not take my name in vain." What's the definition of that? Swearing is now illegal? And is the oft-seen hispanic name "Jesus" vain?

How about working on the Sabbath? Judaic sabbath, remember. Saturday.

There's no law forcing you to "honor" your father or mother. You don't even have to give them a card on Father's Day or Mother's Day.

There are THREE laws that coincide with the ten commandments nationally -
Thou shalt not murder, steal, or bear false witness (fit under perjury, libel, and slander laws for that last one.)

Some places have adultery laws, as well - yet we even kept an adulterer (Clinton) as president.

Last but not least, where's the law that makes envy illegal?

Yet - and this is part of what drives me nuts with so many "fundamentalist" Christians - you point this out and they try to beat you over the head with their Bible.

Then bring up the line in the Treaty of Tripoli, 1790, that says we are "in no way a Christian nation."

It's amazing how much steam can come out of someone's ears.

Well.

It's been over a week since my last entry, apparently.

Since then, I've moved, been absolutely heartbroken over doing so, since my wife and I are apart (and splitting up - nothing bad, but it's not good, or fun.) She called the next day and complained - well, long story. She was frustrated and hurt, and called me (for some reason when I tried to call and tell her I was here, it didn't go through) and needed to vent... and hurt me in the process.

Talked a day and a half later, found out what was going on. It actually made some of the heartache go away, knowing she wasn't actually angry or - whatever it was. Just... well, going through the same thing I was.

I've met up with some friends, some here, some a bit further north, and they're getting me into gaming. I'm also looking for work.. Think I've found something, but we'll see. At least I'm out of CFB.

I really miss my wife. I need to win the lottery and be able to call off the divorce, afford a nurse or caregiver to help with her... you know, that sort of thing. Tried to find her online tonight... didn't happen. Oh well.

I really miss her. I hate having my heart in two different places. Not like I don't have a couple of pictures of her around her - two in easy sight right now, in fact. But still...

*sigh*

Yet another reason (besides, oh, money) to need a job. It's something to do to start moving on.

Rather arrange it so she can move in, once I find a place. I dont 'know what the future holds.

Heh.

Browsing through the MS.public.windowsxp.general group (god, I must love punishment.) Somone asked why there were so many "32 or 64 bit?" questions. Someone else suggested it was AMD's doing (for their upcoming 64 bit processor.)

I had to chip in, saying nah, Apple would have more to say. "64 bits. 0 worms. Apple Powermac G5."

I need to sell that to Apple. And if I see it on TV after today, I'm pointing to the fact I posted this today. Won't sue. Just want a G5 and nice, wide studio display.

Well, MSBlast is out doing its little thing, and I sit back here, laughing, no longer bothering to try to help on the MS newsgroups.
Why?
It reminds me of my days in tech support. The same inane questions that could be solved if the user would bother to - oh, I don't know, READ something. Like the question just below his. Which has the same answer for the 3, 527th time that day.

Oh, and people want to blame MS for this. OK, I'll give you that the flaw was in their software. Big suprise. Yet - it was patched a MONTH ago. (Nearly. July 16th.) It got delivered to people - Delivered to them! - by Windows Update. Yet they were too lazy or "scared" (huh?) to update it.

What's next, write a check for a million dollars, HAND it to them, put it on the table, GIVE THEM A PEN, and say "You have three weeks to put your name on this check and cash it for a million dollars." And they don't, then complain they didn't sign it - and blame the person who offered it to them?

Fucking morons.Even moreso after its been TALKED about on the news, online, etc. for the last few weeks.

Me, I'm sitting here, patched (as are all the systems here, and they have been for at least two weeks if not longer) and behind a firewall.

Yeah, that was SO hard to do. I had to... horror of horrors... double click!

Sorry, but the people that are getting hit with this have only themselves to blame, IMHO. Not that they'll be able to READ this 'til they get their act together....

And if one more person asks "Duh, is my copy of Windows XP 32 or 64 bit?" I'm going to strangle them. (Of course, these people wouldn't know the difference anyway.)

People are... *sigh*

I don't know why I keep heading to the Microsoft.public.* newsgroups. A 'bot could answer their questions... "Is my version of XP 32 or 64 bit?" Hmmm... why don't you check the answer to the THIRTY OTHER PEOPLE WHO ASKED THIS MORNING?

Nah, too much work to actually LOOK and CLICK.

Which, of course, explains the MSBlaster worm. Gee, MS had a patch out a month ago. Windows Update auto-downloads by default and tells you it's ready to install. One double-click. Done.

Yet... what do you think? It's like 80% of the people with XP never f*cking bothered, now they're whining. It's not like it was on Windows Update, mentioned on the news, mentioned on TV, mentioned in computer mags and on websites everywhere...

Like the example I put on one of the newsgroups:
"Doctor, I feel ill."
"Oh, my god, you have to go to surgery NOW or you'll die within the week!"
"I don't understand all that medical stuff, I'm going on vacation."

Uh huh.

Now, I don't really *like* MS but they DID THEIR JOB here. They can't FORCE the patch on your system, but they make it so easy to get it's rediculous.

Even if people DON'T patch, they ADDED A FIREWALL for the fucking connection!

Damn, people....

Damn. What is it with women...

Wife hauled me to the coffee shop today. I don't usually drink coffee, and didn't this time, but they have decent carrot cake.

Anyway, across the street there was a wedding apparel store. Front window, female mannequin, missing everything but a slip. Including her arm.

I made the mistake of pointing it out.

Now, men, you know one of two things would happen here:
1. The woman will complain that you think she's supposed to have a body like that, her butt's too big, etc. That didn't happen. Fortunatley, rarely if ever does.
2. She stares at it, laughs, stares some more, goes on to tell everybody in the place about it, stares some more, babbles on about her modeling, our sex life, everything that really does NOT need to be discussed in public.

Yeah, the second one. Why is it that women feel the need to discuss this stuff, IN PUBLIC? Or with their friends? It's NOBODY ELSES FARKING BUSINESS.

Women - We men do NOT like having our sex lives discussed over dinner in a restaraunt, walking down the street, on a cell phone, with the rest of the group of women over a salad, yelled across a store or anything else. Much like we don't want to try to enjoy a nice steak while you inform us and everyone in earshot that it's "that time of the month" and you need your feminine hygene products, and shall we get them right after dinner so you don't stain anything...

*sigh*

Has the spam dam really burst?

Ha. Some people say that Spam's beign made out to be worse than it is?

Then tell me why I have to have a seperate account to sign up for stuff, and that account gets - literally - hundreds of emails PER DAY, most of which are deleted as spam? I save MAYBE 5 of those a day.

My Juno and Netzero accounts are useless. ALL they get are spam. Period.

I know when I "opt in" to get messages. There are five game companies, two computer companies, and a couple mailing lists (This is True and Langalist) I sign up for. If those are ALL I'd get email from, I'd get 10 a week - 14 if there's a promotion of some sort on.

I have other email accounts (not listed) that get amost zero spam. I mean, literally, I get maybe 5 a MONTH. And one of those is usually let in via Yahoo groups (someone signing onto the *group* and spamming.)

So where does all the spam come from on those other accounts?
1. I'm sure Juno and NetZero have sold my email address. I got almost NO spam on NetZero 'til Juno bought it. And I get almost the same spam on both services. (FWIW, I only use them FOR email. I check once in a while.)

2. My Hotmail account is used for everything - newsgroups, websites, signing up for lists I don't know about, that sort of thing. I've also had it for years. Yet the spam "flood" has *really* kicked in in the last year and a half or so there. I know it's out there. That's why I use it. Besides, Hotmail is regularly targeted for spam attacks - you know, you get joe123, joey123, joe1234, joe12345, jog123, all sorts of iterations of email addresses.

3. I set up Hotmail accounts for my other websites, too. I've noticed they've started getting from 5-30 spams a day. My wife's Hotmail account, which she uses for nothing, gets... almost none.

I used to go through and "Hunt down" spammers, at least the worst ones. I know I cost some of them money ("University Diplomas!" - which I haven't seen in at least 3 months - I forced them to call ME, international long distance, and kept them yakking for a while. Even got them to admit they KNEW what they were doing is spamming.) And I did this more often when I used Juno or NetZero, since they were interfering with my ISP. (I don't use them at the moment.)

Yet when I realized how I could control what THEY saw and spammed, I dont' worry any more. Sure, I still think spammers should be hung by their gonads (small though they are,) whipped, covered in jalapeno juice, then dipped in honey and left by a fire ant mound. But at least I can (mostly) keep them out of my "real" accounts.

I feel used up. And pointless. And kind of a waste.

What the hell have I done with my life?

I don't know, I'm rather assuming this is just... coming on because of what's coming up. Another week and a half, and I'm moving, preparing for a divorce we don't really want, but do need (apparently.) I've been out of (real) work - maybe "out of career" is better - for around three and a half or four years. Worked a few small jobs, nothing in a year and a half...

Old friends are imposible to get hold of. *sigh*

I don't know. I just hate what's coming up, I suppose.

I can't stand self pity.

Tombp36.jpg (JPEG Image, 640x480 pixels)

Dammit. This annoys me.

Got into an online contest at modeling madness ("Build the same kit." Happened to be a kit of an aircraft I love - the P-36.) What wins? Not my natural metal bird, or the other two I entered... no, it's this POS. That looks like its a cast aluminum aircraft (that is NOT a "natural metal" finish, that's a "Collided with a Reynolds Aluminum truck" finish,) and is flat out WRONG in many areas (just off the top of my head, US aircraft didn't use the "stick" antenna - which is too big anyway, there are no antenna wires anywhere - and they're easy to add with this kit, and US aircraft did NOT have the four wing guns... at least not this one, or most P-36A or Cs that the USAAC used. It was tried as the XP-36D, but not adopted.)

Hell, it's not like there are ACTUAL PHOTOS of this aircraft anywhere to see HE'S WRONG. Or for HIM to see he's wrong AS HE'S BUILDING IT. The "runners up" in the category are just as wrong in at least as many areas.

Guess people don't judge on anything but "oooh, it pretty, shiny, lot of colors." So online contests - here at least - are a fucking waste of time. So much for actually putting EFFORT into getting anything right, or getting a decent, realistic natural metal effect without either (a) looking like a solid piece of metal or (b) looking like a patchwork quilt.

Damn, I'm pissed. It's like taking a classic Dusenberg, working on it for years to get it meticulously detailed and perfect, and having people tell you the spraycan-painted Pinto (in flaming hot pink) is "better." Now I know why I normally don't get involved in this BS.

People are idiots.

Just got a forward of a news release. USS Kitty Hawk is replacing its Tomcats with F/A-18E Super Hornets (kind of a misnomer, as they're not just "upgrades" of the -18, but mostly new aircraft. Think it's a bit of BS so they could get the money in... supposedly a less capable aircraft, too.)

Anyway... well, here's part of the release:

=====
The Super Hornet, a multirole attack and fighter aircraft, has 35
percent more engine power than the Hornet and increases the external
payload for missiles and bombs by two loads to 11.

"The deployment of this state-of-the-art aircraft must be aimed at
strengthening combat-readiness given the development of nuclear weapons
and other threats from North Korea," said aviation critic Yoshitomo
Aoki.

But local people are concerned that the Super Hornets will make even
more noise during frequent drills.

"I guess noise will be worse as the engine is bigger," said Hiromichi
Umebayashi, who represents a base-monitoring citizens' group called
Peace Depot.

An official of the Yamato city government said, "We will closely monitor
U.S. moves from the viewpoint of noise."

The Kanagawa Prefectural Government said it received more than 5000
complaints a year in the three years to 2002 about noise from fighter
jets near the Atsugi base, a 50 percent increase over previous years.
=====

A. No, the engines aren't bigger, they're "bigger than the other version."
B. More powerful does NOT mean more noisy, but it's a simple enough equation for these nitwits to misunderstand, and
C. Gotta love the sentiment. "Oh, help protect us, just do it somewhere else so you don't make any noise!" Can't have it both ways.

I have to wonder how many of these same nations would be screaming if we just said "Fuck you" to all of them, and pulled forces out of EVERY nation they're based in (except the ones that don't complain - let's see, Liberia wants some troops there for now, fine. Keep the bases in England, and... hmm. Who hasn't been complaining? Taiwan?)

How much money would they lose? How many of them would be fighting off an invasion within a few years (such as, oh, South Korea?)

And what about Iraq? Sorry, that's a no-win situation there. If we stay, the Arabs bitch about "infidels" being there. But if we said "Fine, we're leaving," what do you think would happen? A, some other religious nut would take control and start trying to grind everyone else down, B, there'd be someone trying to invade (Turkey in the north to "stamp out" the kurds, and why n ot some revenge from Iran?) and (C) you think the looting before was bad? Of course, then the Arabs would bitch because we LEFT. Hey, assholes, our forces are keeping you in one piece. Saddam Jr 1 and 2 are worm food. We're spending money to work on rebuilding, and get you some ACTUAL police and such - not paid government thugs who'll rape your sister if you look at them funny, after they play "Pin the electrode to the scrotum" with you.

On the other hand, maybe they have a right to be pissed. After all, the RIAA sent one of their honchos over to "rewrite" Iraq's copyright laws. Guess they'll still have a partial dictatorship. Suprised he didn't make copying a file punishable by execution. (Come to think of it, I *think* it was a woman.)

Ugh. It's 1:30 in the morning, I'm updating my resume.

I forgot what a royal pain doing this was. It's been a while, but I'm using some "life experience" from caring for my wife on here, too. I hadn't thought about it before, thinking I'd have this big gap in my employment (I haven't "worked" for 18 months, almost 19 now.) Yet, looking at what I've had to do with her, I've essentially been doing low-level management stuff.

Cool... now if that just comes across on the resume.

I don't have every little job here and there on it - I don't want to write a book, or put every two week temp job or whatnot on the resume. Just the highlights.

It's the 30th - last day to vote over at Modeling Madness, so maybe after this I can put my three Hawks up on my OTHER web page finally, which has really been hurting for updates. Of course, I've been hurting for a decent hobby shop, and modeling supplies, and money, and time, and sanity too...

You know, my wife keeps talking about not wanting to let me go, even though she (and her mother) brought up how stressed I've been getting because of having to care for her. (Yay, run on sentence.) See, she has MS. I've been trying to care for her, though it hasn't been... well, easy, true. We found out she had MS, but it didn't really "affect" us at first. She had some balance issues and things, no big deal. She started on Avonex, and because there was no work here, I left for my home state of Wisconsin.

Well, I came back here six months or so later because she'd started to have seizures. I gave up a job (temp, but still, wiping down bikes after being glued together at Trek for $9/hour wasn't bad.... 3 AM was bad, but $9 an hour wasn't .) Gave up a decent size apartment (used to be a storefront, very LONG apartment, $525/mo.) And drove back on the tail end of a winter storm (so much fun in the mountains) to here, Oregon, to care for her.

Hell, I didn't know if she'd even be alive this long, given how her seizures were at the time.

That was 18 months ago. I haven't held a job since then. We've fought to get her disability, to pay for an apartment for me for a year (no room at her mother's place, which is where I am now.) And a lot of stress... to the point where it's affected me, both physically and mentally.

They noticed, sat me down, and talked to me. Leah feels bad (as usual - hate to say that, but it's true) and thinks it's her fault I'm so stressed. No, it's not, I made the choice to come back here, after all... She feels sort of lost, since we'll be divorcing (to help her with the government, and for my health, essentially) - I cant' say I blame her, I'll feel the same way. I have one thing going on she doesn't seem to, though - I feel like a failure, like I couldn't cut it, like I couldn't be what I needed to be for her...

Not for lack of trying, mind you.

And now she's talking to an old boyfriend. Her first boyfriend, apparently, who we found when someone else replied to an ad I put in the paper to take a pile (BIG pile) of old Macs off my hands. Turns out the person who replied is the ex's brother. They never broke up, he joined the navy or something, then just disappeared after two letters. They're talking a lot now... sometimes 8 hours a day (online.)

Not sure how I feel about that at the moment. On the one hand, I've never been *jealous.* And she's going to need someone to talk to when we're finally divorced. On the other hand, we're not divorced *yet.* And he told her he never fell OUT of love with her - that that fact, actually, helped end his marriage.

Yay. And sometimes I feel she's hiding something... I don' tknow. He's not around, it's not like she's fooling around on me or anything. I just... Idunno.

Kit noews - working on a Lindberg P6E Hawk. Wish I'd known how the interplanestruts were supposed to go. Started to hate this kit.. tried trimming stuff to fit, didn't quite work, because the struts weren't lined up right. Now that they are, the struts are too short... and don't even talk to me about rigging it. Ugh. Not fun.

God, I love Windows. No, really.

Only decent power we get in this area of the house comes from an extension cord from the other room. Seems the cats have managed to run over and yank the cord - not so it's completely out, but partway there... So, I'd be sitting at the computer, doing whatever, and it'd work. Walk past, down the stairs (shaking the floor a little - it's not a stable house,) come back and... WTF, the computer's off? Turn it on, work on it, go to the bathroom... it's off. Reboot, go into Linux to see if it's just something in Windows. Well, that's working... head out to make dinner. Come back, it's off. Play with APM settings. Doesn't help.. but it does screw up Windows. And since this thing's running XP, well...

New install. Wipe out Linux (which I barely use, no time to learn or figure out its quirks at the moment) so I have a fresh partition and can save the data on the old one. Wife complains that she's losing network connections about the same time (through a hub.) Great... power problem. Plug the plug back in, everything's happy... except me, who now has to do a 35 minute install. Plus, since this is the second time in 30 days I've had to reinstall, I get to sit on hold with Microsoft to activate Windows. Yay. (Can't complain, it was a quick call. Still, activation still strikes me as a bit... well, of a pain.)

Anyway. So now I'm back up and running, at least. And on the Great Driver Hunt again.

Think my next system will be at *least* an eMac. I really want to play with OS X, and I've liked Macs for a long time... I have some older ones around (Quadra-era) and have a blast with them, but you really dont' want to try to get online with 'em, you know? Whenever I get that, email's going over there (virus? Ha!) as well as most website stuff. Games? eMac when possible, PC otherwise. Yeah, I'll keep running both.

Ugh.

Just had a tooth pulled. Thanks to massive cuts at the Oregon Health Plan, it's not covered by insurance. Have to figure out a way to get $180. And I just found that someone (bet it's one of the credit card companies that's been calling my wife to give her a new card) tried to make a $250 or so withdrawl... which obviously bounced...

Rrrrrrgh.... I hate this....

Plus, I'm hungry, can't eat for a bit, when I *can* it has to be liquid... friggin' tooth.

Little addendum here.

Looking at my last two entries, one might get the idea I'm anti-Christian. I'm not. I do have a problem with extremists, with those who would use religion to take over and force things to be *their* way.

I've met a few true Christians in my time. Robertson and his ilk are pretenders. I've met witches, atheists, and other decidedly non-Christians who are more Christian than his type.

But his type gets the press. And it's bad for not just Christianity's image, but for religious growth in general.

You know, this whole weblogging thing (OK, OK, Blogging) could make me quite lazy about the rest of the site... Maybe not, but life's a mess right now.

Have you heard Pat Robertson complaining about the Supreme Court? First they uphold privacy in the bedroom (suprising itself, given the way things are going in this country today,) then there's the removal of a mural of Moses and the 10 commandments from a courthouse. By court order. That just has him steamed.

Funny thing is, know how they got it IN there? Someone snuck it in in the middle of the night. If you think you have to do that, maybe you should think about if what you're doing is right.

Now, Robertson wants people to go through and pray through their town - what was once called "beating the bounds," claiming streets and such for God. Um, excuse me, I'll make my OWN decision on that, thank you very much, I don't need a religious mafia doing it for me (or to me.) He also wants his viewers/supporters/suckers to pray that three of the justices get "convinced" to retire. Didn't name them by name, but did spell out who they were. Obviously he wants them replaced by judges more to HIS liking, who will drag the US back to the 18th century. Sorry, Pat-boy, I don't want to live in a theocracy.

What really kicks me is this - what he's pushing his listeners/viewers to do is essentially black magic. The forcing of someone else's will, one way or another. The claiming of power not his. The Wiccans won't do that, other neo-Pagans won't do that... but he has the audacity to claim he SHOULD in God's name.

Kinda wish God would have a word or two with him. Actually, I kinda wish the big guy would smack Pat right upside the head and say "Knock it off, that's not what it's all about."

If you pray, pray instead that we'll maintain a balanced court, one with justice and equality and the LAW first and foremost, one that will hold itself above politics, though politcs does push itself into it with selection of judges. We don't need a religious court. Didn't we just pull something like that out of power in Afghanistan? Isn't it part of our beef with Iran?

Freedom. Love it, defend it. Fight so you don't lose it. Pay attention.

Why is it that Christianity seems so... schizophrenic?

No, hear me out. On the one hand, we have people who live a very Christian life. They love others, they are peaceful people. They may preach, but they don't push. They accept the "sinner" and/or "unbeliever," without taking an "us vs them" attitude.

Then there are the others... also "christian." But if YOU aren't, or are the "wrong kind" (Catholic/orthodox/Baptist/Mormon,) you're the scum of the earth and deserve to go to Hell. They often can't give answers other than quotes out of the Bible (that normally just are used to condemn you.. but no, they're not judging.) They end up wanting to control everyone and everything. Sorry, folks, not only are you not Christian, but you're giving those who ARE a bad name.

Strangely enough, many of those I find living and acting the most Christian... aren't. They're atheist, agnostic, or pagan. Yet they care for others, do what they can for others and for the planet, actually seem to care for those around them without judging, without pressuring. There's a reason I've been finding more and more gays, victims of abuse and other "misfits" in these groups - they're accepted for who they are.

in addition, the pagans, at least, have an advantage. They cannot say "The devil made me do it." Their beliefs, from all I've seen and learn, push responsibility for one's own actions (in terms of karma or otherwise) onto... yourself. Very unpopular these days, I suppose, but - so what. It makes sense. Parents, your kids aren't screwed up from playing video games - maybe you should have spent more time with them instead of scheduling more activities. (Just as a for instance.)

The high-pressure Christians, the "holier than thou" group, needs to take a break from finding Satan everywhere from Harry Potter to french fries, step back, and look at what they're doing to the religion and to others.

OK, now that that's up and running, we should see more content here - at least in the rants.

See, a lot is going on right now. I'm getting ready to move. And divorce my wife of nearly 5 years. And I don't like any of it.
Most of what's going on can be found on her site, Frayedwire's Humble Abode. It goes through a LOT of what we've dealt with in the past several years.

Now, for me, I haven't worked in a year and a half. Rich? Me? Yeah, right. I'm nearly at the point where I need to sell this computer. There are NO jobs in this area. I say that to some (bill collectors, especially) and get a "Well, it's tough all over." No shit. But, no, it's not "all over," it's "5 two week long temp jobs at Wal-mart, 60+ people signing up, and no luck - just like the other 17 months."

I build computers. I do tech support (though I shouldn't do so any more, I no longer have the temperment for some of the idiots out there... "Why doesn't the computer come on? You didn't TELL me I needed to turn the screen thing on too!" Wish I were kidding...) I'd love to go back to ITT to go through their networking and webmaster courses - of course, you need money for that, which I don't have. Can't get a student loan - I haven't made enough money to pay my LAST one off.

Or any money, for that matter.

Which adds to the stress, yes. My wife is disabled. She needs someone around 24-7. I gave up a career to care for her. I gave up an apartment in Wisconsin, near my family, because she started having seizures - so instead of her moving out there, I moved back here to CFB (Coos F*cking Bay,) Oregon.

And it's gotten to the point where we have to divorce - not for lack of love, but because it's literally going to kill me at the rate I'm going. Highly stressed, affecting my health...

Hate to say that. But it's better to do it now, while we're still friends, I suppose. At least we don't have children to worry about. We wanted some, but... well, the miscarriage she had while we still lived in Florida (3 years? 4?) ago was a blessing in disguise, I suppose. I don't know how we'd have been able to care for a child with her going to the hospital as much as she had for a while.

Still, I hate to see this end.

I was going to move back to Wisconsin... but with the lack of money and noplace there to stay, it doesn't look like that's going to happen just yet. I'm probably making a 1-2 year stay in Portland at this point. Don't really like the city itself much, but we have a LOT of friends there. We'll see what happens.

Quick test here.

Since I really don't want to bother much with HTML when I have something to rant about, I'm adding a weblog to the site. We'll see how this works.