There are times I think I'm losing myself, losing my past.

It's an odd way to feel, after the way today went (tax return came in, paid insurance, got two calls about jobs, one of which I go in to fill paperwork out for tomorrow.) Yet... I don't know, I just feel lost.

In another year, I'll have been out of high school for 15 years. And what have I done since then... not much.

I miss my friends from high school. I'm 2000+ miles away from most of them - Julie, Genevieve and Erik most of all. I actually miss Gidget, too. They've all been on my mind for some reason. I'd love to find something - anything - a picture or something, more recent than what's in my old yearbooks.

I need my past back. I don't know if this is what most folks would consider a "midlife crisis" - I hope not, or I'll have a short life. I don't like where my life is going. The only things I've done right are... well, married a wonderful woman, and tried to help out people. Credit sucks, money's gone, but..

Maybe working will get my mind off of it. Not to mention make me *able* to get my own place, visit friends and family... you know the drill...

I don't know if I'm depressed, nervous about tomorrow, longing for high school (when things were much, much simpler...) I just don't know.

I miss my wife.

I miss my old friends. Nothing wrong with my new ones - good people, all 'round - but I miss my friends from high school.

Hell, I miss Wisconsin.

What's odd is the person I've "talked" to (well, came across in email) most recently is Gidget, and that was while I was in WI. We broke up badly... very badly. And I'd carreid a lot of... well, some guilt, since I didn't know how to handle it, but a lot of other baggage. And emailing her - actually to say "I'm sorry I kind of flipped out - I wish I hadn't, since I lost a good friendship because of it" helped tremendously. Perhaps on both sides, I don't know.

I carry stuff way too long.

*sigh*

Well, it's been a month and change since my last entry. Since then:
-I've lost my job
-I'm broke
-I've had "JFY Shopping Mart" try to take money from my bank account (given that I've never heard of them, and never wrote a check or made a purchase in that timeframe, it was a fake... I've got a cool bank that took care of it very fast.)
- I've had friends get me into Magic: The Gathering (which I'm OK at, but suck at building decks.)
- I've updated my *other* website, http://airmodeller.tripod.com, with a cleaner look, an updated and one new article - no, I don't get much model building done these days. Hate what Tripod does to the site, though - it looks MUCH cleaner without the "mandatory" ad up top.
- I've sold my G3 (with much sadness, but I needed the cash.)

Ah well. The job search takes more time anyway. Interesting things come up online... even QA jobs where you essentially try to break stuff, and tell folks how ti broke. I like beta testing. Must be why this system runs Windows.

Next, to cancel an appointment for the dentist, which *sucks.* Really need the work done, but no insurance and no money aren't pluses when it comes to medical or dental needs...