Brain insists on old memories. First house I was in.

 Need to sign in for work in an hour and a half. Of course, instead of sleeping since ... eh, 1 AM (granted, I fell asleep earlier and woke up at midnight,) my brain decided to play "what's your oldest set of memories?

Well, here's the first house I remember. It's on 11th street in Oak Creek, I think.  Near Carollton. 

It's changed a little since then. I don't remember considering that door you see as the "front" door. There's a detached garage on the other side of the house we always went in and out of. The stuff I remember? Is fragmented. It's been nearly half a century, after all - we moved out of there... I think the year I began kindergarten. 

Across the street on the right was my friend Paul's house. Green, single story - and gone now. I remember being there, think they had a pool. I remember yelling across the street to him when I was grounded and couldn't come over. *smirks.* I know he had a sister. I sort of remember ... kind of hiding in a closet to change to a swimsuit? *shrug* I was young. 

Down the street is Carollton Elementary. Only thing I really remember - since I never went there - was drawing on one of the rounded kiddy-corner (caddy corner, whatever people want to call it) round bits of the sidewalk with chalk with some of my friends. 

I remember my dad building the deck (on the other door, by the kitchen.) I remember sitting in the unfinished deck eating... what was that cereal, had a little alien on it. Had to look, it was called Quisp. 

I don't know why this cereal box sticks out to me so much, it just does. Probably the goofy alien guy. 

I remember there being a pool (long since gone) between the house and garage. I remember watching out the kitchen door as my dad and brother - probably Craig - were tying down the cover during a storm they were expecting tornadoes during. 

Same kitchen had a round table. Stairs going downstairs, with a little metal railing so you couldn't just fall into the stairwell. Pepper, our dog (want to say wire haired terrier) had his food dishes there. Apparenly I ate out of them a time or two. 

I don't really remember my bedroom or the living room. I do remember it had a low wood table we had for a while - I'd slide under and write stuff underneath later - but it had the TV on it. I remember watching Gilligan's Island on it in color. I *vaguely* remember a bunk bed in the bedroom. I must've shared it with Craig. 

Downstairs, I remember masks on the wall one halloween. I remember a slot car track being set up. Vaguely remember dad ... probably building a wall. I remember watching the Mickey Mouse club and Howdy Doody in black and white, and G Force (dont' ever remember it being called battle of the planets) and Speed Racer in color. I want to say I remember a bed down there, but I don't remember if it was a bed or a couch pulled out so someone could sleep on it. 

The house had a peach tree in back, long since gone. My dad also had put up a trellis and was trying to grow grapes behind the garage. I sort of remember them, but I do remember the bees. Not being afriad  of them, I thought they were cool. 

The road where the picture's taken from is a dead end with a little turnabout. I remember being thrown from a car when the door opened on that. I don't know if it was the same time I hit my head when my oldest brother was ... I believe they said taking me to church, but I'm not sure tha's right, as I had a - I think mickey mouse T-shirt that got fairly bloody from the cut in my forehead (and apparently freaked my brother out.) 

Twenty years.

9/11/2001. 

 I was married, then. My wife starting to have serious issues due to her MS, and I'd moved back to WI because there were flat out no jobs in Coos Bay, Oregon and in WI I could at least find *something,* plus have family near. We figured we could probably get better care, too. 

I was living in Johnson's Creek, an "apartment" that was actually a storefront. Working 3rd shift stocking at Walmart. I'd gotten home not long before.

My life seems to be defined, at times, by video games. I seem to recall being in Diablo II after work, unwinding, and chatting, when someone said a plane had "kamikazied" into one of the towers. We actually talked about that a little, the history-minded bit of me saying it was a tacky term to use for what had to be an accident. Probably a light plane or something. Then I went to turn on the TV and got to watch the second plane hit, live. I'd seen enough footage before, with the smoking hole, to know it wasn't just a replay. 

I don't remember much from that morning - I do remember going back into work for whatever reason, to tell someone or something. I didn't know how to react. Of course, that was being played there, too. Of course it was. 

I did eventually get to sleep. Not sure how long. Woke up to news of things like flights everywhere being grounded. We were at war with something called the Taliban and al-Queda not long after, which felt right. Never imagined we'd be *there* for twenty years. That people would die there that hadn't even been conceived yet. 

We hadn't been hit like that. Not like Pearl Harbor - a surprise, but one done to a military base by an enemy military. We don't like surprise attacks. We'd had terrorists hit, too... but they were home grown, Timothy Mcveighs, not from some dusty country halfway around the world. 

I'd say we were united, but ... well, some more than others. Unsurprisingly, anyone who "looked Muslem" was at risk from angry bigots. First time I'd paid much attention to finding out what a Sikh was, really, after they (non-muslem, by the way) started getting attacked as well. People who had been in and loved this country for ages became targets for some. 

And we've made a mess of things since, as well. But that's a rant for elsetime.

Riots in the Capitol. Really...

 I cannot fucking believe this. 

I expected the only circus for President-Elect Biden's nomination to be the handful of asshole Republican senators "protesting." Instead, we have a bunch of fucking pro-trump MAGA-heads *breaking into* the capitol. 

Trump does nothing but put out a tweet saying "stay peaceful." Biden? Comes out and sounds like a president. Sadly he doesn't have the authority yet to do anything. 

I'm angry. I'm infuriated not just that this bunch of idiots *did* this, think they have the fucking RIGHT, but that Trump's supported them and incited them. Trump aides are saying he doesn't want to do anything. No shit, is this surprising you at all? They're doing this *for him.* That's all this asshole has ever fucking CARED about. He should NEVER have been put in office. 

And Mitch Fucking McConnell. "Oh, preserve the process." Asshole, you and your caucus ENABLED and PROTECTED him. Not only should the rioters go to jail - fuck, you have the cages you put separated kids in, shove the lot of them there - but so should Trump, and so should most of the fucking Republican caucus. 

Let me drag the asshole down the street with the Trump flag down there, too. 

Trump should never have been put in power. Trump shoudl never have been allowed to stay in office. He should be *gone,* should have been with his impeachment, but the republicans put party and power over country. 

They chanted "lock her up" about Hillary. Lock *all* these motherfuckers up. 

Edit: And we go from President-Elect Biden's speech where he ... sounds like a president SHOULD, to Trump's "I know you're hurt, the election was stolen, we all know it, the other side knows it, but you have to go home now." 

PUT THAT ASSHOLE IN PRISON. Fucking remove him bodily from office NOW. I don't care if it's only two weeks until the inauguration. REMOVE THAT ASSHOLE BEFORE HE DOES MORE DAMAGE.

Challenger

 So, about to watch the Netflix series on the Challenger disaster. Not that this is going to be of huge historical interest or anything, but I thought, before watching it, I'd put down what I recalled then. 

I was in middle school - Oak Creek, at the time, had several primary (K-6,) then one junior high where I was (they're up to two now, sheesh - this one covered 7th and 8th grades)  then the high school (9-12.) 

Challenger blew up in the morning. I don't even remember my schedule - why would I? That was decades ago and I was a kid. I do remember coming into lunch and one of my friends saying "the shuttle blew up."

I just didn't believe him, thinking it was some stupid joke. Ate lunch, bought a mickey mouse ice cream.. thing (I have no idea why I remember *that,*) finished the day, came home. 

On the TV... yep, footage of the shuttle blowing up. I just remember going to my room, then, kind of in shock and, yes, crying. That was just... major. Especially to someone who loved aircraft and space like I did, it was just - for my tween-brain, hard to grasp. (Yeah, January 1986? 13.) 

I pretty much had to deal with it on my own. I don't recall it being talked about at school, despite this being the first flight with a teacher, a civilian, on the shuttle. And we didn't talk about it at home. I don't think it ever occurred to my parents that this was a shock to me. My dad was up, my mom would have been at work. Just didn't have that sort of ... thing at home.

(Don't get me wrong. Loving household, but this would have been "huh, that's a shame" without really thinking about it affecting the space nut in the house. Not sure I"d have talked about it much, anyway - this was pretty much an era of "A guy showing feelings? Pfft. Grow up, toughen up.")

Once I got past - or through, or tamped down, or whatever - the emotional shock, there was the waiting. Just - mostly "well, at least it had to be quick." Then the... part tech-curious, part just *curious* "what happened?" and watching with interest as everything was gathered, inspected and the like. And of course the morbid speculation that no, they didn't die right away, thinking of what it had to be like having the shuttle explode around you and falling, or tumbling in the cockpit, or getting slammed around while knowing you'd hit the ground...

Is it just me going "you know, the usual teens being morbidly fascinated" with that? 

City of Heroes musings

Yeah, I know. It's been a while again. I don't have that exciting of a life. :) And this is mostly me rambling for my own sake.

Everyone's dealing with Covid lockdowns - at least until mid month.  (Or unless you're in a state with a governor that doesn't believe in... I don't know. Health.) So people are doing indoorsy things, unless you're deciding going to the beach in Florida and getting sick sounds fun. Sorry, these people and those being goaded into protesting just *irk* me with stupidity...

Anyway. So one of the things I'm doing is... playing City of Heroes. I played it when it was live, from issue 3 in 2005 to shutdown in 2012. I played on the SCORE servers while things were being worked out in secret. And i am now playing on Homecoming.

Early shot of Therra

While not my first character, my first 50 was an electric/electric blaster named Therra Arcson. I remember almost deleting her early on because I'd accidentally managed to killsteal from someone. I'm glad I didn't - the way to 50 with her involved my first supergroup and good friends (and RP, with occasional awkwardness) - Shadow of the Storm, on Pinnacle, co-leading (sort of) with Adam Green, player of Agent Snow.

Oy, did we ever get some long, convoluted stories going with multiple iterations of those characters. Therra was thought lost in an enemy base collapse, captured, interrogated, turned into a Peacebringer to escape - while Snow's nanites tried taking over and didn't want to recognize her at first, later clearing them involved "quantum" energy which made him basically deadly to her... rough relationship, but Snow did eventually get a new (male, again!) body and they had their happily ever after.

Snow and Kamre, the other two musketeers... 

Snow didn't play on live for some time before the shutdown, so..

Therra artwork

Still. The differences ... get me thinking. The game was harder back in issue 3. The game was new. It was missing a lot - like content between 38 and 40, if you happened to be in a blaster, the AT known as "debt collectors" (you gain "XP Debt" whenever you die) and "floor inspectors." I think it took a few hundred hours to get her to 50, but I finally did, with Snow. And we continued RPing the characters - she was a live character, not a bunch of numbers.

Now? Played her as a new archetype called a "Sentinel." Still electric/electric, but this time describing the blast powerset and an armor set.

I don't have an agent snow this time. Sure, in my mind she's paired with another alt, to have some sort of a life, though she knows "something" is missing. But... not quite the same. She was just on random pick up groups here and there. And with all the changes since 2005... she made it in 58 hours.  I did have some supergroup (SG, other MMOs call them "guilds" and the like) mates from another SG help out for a bit, teaming from ... about 45 1/2 to 45 3/4, but it just wasn't the same.

Granted, I usually have one, maybe two, RP "mains" who get the attention - in this case, it's a little Brute called Ishku (took her name from mishearing someone say "is coo'" and it kind of became hers,) with Cat as my secondary, trying to figure out... what to do with her, as her erstwhile partner, well... isn't in the same place. And the feeling is there, more, with her.

Mm. Is it an issue? I don't know. Maybe it's just a thing.

Happy 50, Therra...

Homecoming Therra hits 50

It's been a while.

So. What happened?

With everything else, I'd forgotten about this blog - and that post before this, well... 

I lost the apartment. (Still paying that off, a bit at a time.)
I did get a good job, yes. Still tech support, still healthcare. And now making more than I have ever made, which ... is surprisingly relaxing. No, I'm not rich, won't be buying a house any time soon - I'll probably be renting this room in someone's home for a while, honestly. But I'm able to catch up and things like replacing tires and brakes on the car are not economic disasters for me.

Leah died May 10, 2018. I found out later that year. I ... do still mourn for her. Even with all the crap. I keep wondering if I should have tried calling one more time. I think next year I'll find where her grave is, if she has one, and go visit it. Explain a few things. Apologize. I still haven't looked for anyone else - I don't want to say "to replace her," but - to follow on. I just can't. Not that I feel like I'd be betraying her - we were divorced for a decade and change, after all, and she is dead. I just don't know if I want to start again with anyone. I have no real urge to, and I don't think I bring much to the table.

AH well.

Still. I'm alive. I'm spending too much on books. (Damn you half price books clearance sale!) I'm making it.

There's a reason

There's a reason I don't own a gun.
I've been so stressed and anxious.
I'm putting stuff up for sale - ebay, craigslist, etc. and the apartment's looking really, really empty.
I've already sold off some of the big things that make me "me" the last time I was unemployed. The telescope. The atari. Bunch of models, and I'm looking at selling the rest of those off. The dragons.

Looking at selling off the rest of the models, the airbursh and compresor. Mom's nightstand.

I don't know what I'll be left with. Or if it's worse that none of it sells.
Waiting for some word back on jobs, I'm applying all over the place.
Somehow, I have to get money for rent - and start worrying about next month. Plus the overdue power bill. Plus, now, phone, internet... I dont' have the money.

There's so much I wish I could do, but I just never have the money. Never have had.

And to have my brother act like, well, things are tough... don't fucking tell me that with your new-car-every-year, motorcycles and ATVs, camper, etc. All your "toys." No, I don't expect him to sell them off, even if I would if I had them. I have nothing. But just the attitude is...

I'm stressed. I'm anxious. I'm scared. And I'm glad I don't have a gun, because I'm afraid I'd have used it already. I just can't handle this.

I don't know what to do.

Ending the year

Nobody reads this, I rarely post it, so...

I don't know what to do. Job vanished, no savings - no time to build them back up after the last unemployment period earlier this year. Sure, I've had interviews, but.... rent's coming due, bills are past due...

I don't know what to do. I have nothing to offer. I have nothing really left to *sell.* Not that would be more than spitting in the ocean.

No response to the offer of renders. Nothing from the PC services on Craigslist - not even a nibble. No telling how long I'll have the phone or internet... I think they *can't* shut off power, but...

I don't know what to do.

Ten years

Dear Leah,

Last Sunday, it was a decade since our divorce. 

We didn't leave on good terms - I still don't know what happened there, where the only way to get a smile from you was to be in public, which happened rarely. I still suspect it was your mother's influence. 

I came back, initialy, to fill out the paperwork and because we'd talked about me still being around to help you. That was the plan. Then you treated me like you did, and I left - losing most of what was in storage because I just couldn't be around that. 

We talked, after a few short months while I was trying to find my feet, only to have our calls turn into demands from you for money - first asking,t hen demanding, as though you still had some right to it. I heard the calls afterward, asking why I wasn't answering, why I wouldn't talk to you and the "I don't know why" ... and maybe you didn't. But after you got to demands, well... we were divorced and ti was time to cut that off. I didn't need it. It was hard enough for me. 

I fought for years, fought feeling like I'd failed, like I'd abandoned you. Fought anger against you and about you. And your mother. Missed you. Thought about looking you up, finding your number and calling... but no. 

I found myself, those years, wondering many things. How much of things were true. I'd wanted kids, it sounded like you did too, and I found myself glad we'd never had them... though our first, had it come to term, would probably be ready to graduate high school by now. 

I do, on occasion, still wonder how you are. We were married for years, it's natural. I wonder if you actually remember me - I don't know what shape your mind is in, given the various problems. Or how much what memories have been shaped by your mother. I wonder how true what you remember is And almost hope you don't remember, rather than have a whirl of tainted ones mixed with untruths. 

I wonder if you went through the same things - the hurt, the hate, the wondering. And how you dealt with them. 

But ten years on, Leah, I just hope you're well. And happy. You were my wife, my friend, and will always hold a special spot because of that. 

Happy anniversary, such as it is. Live well. 
-Eric

Where were you...

Wow, just over a year since I wrote anything on here. 

I was watching a Netflix show (or show on netflix, I suppose) called Zero Hour - dealing with the time just before various events. One was on Columbine. I remember where I was then... sad that now it's like "oh, another school shooting." 

Still, trying to think of events I was around for and where I was:

Reagan's shooting. 
I don't actually remember.Though I would have heard about it on the news, and I was young enough I'd be at home in Oak creek. But I don't remember as far as a "What were you doing." 

The murder of John Lennon. 
This one I do remember, roughly. And there's a little bit of a story behind it. The church I was in as a kid was a fundamentalist (as in "anything newer than the King James is too liberal" level) baptist church. So I grew up with "Rocka nd roll is evil, the concerts are satanic rituals, the singers are priests and whores." (Seriously. If you can *borrow* it, read "Backward masking Unmasked." Don't' buy it. Don't' give those assholes any money.) I remember being in the basement of the house I grew up in. I remember being in the bathroom down there and just being *happy* John Lennon was dead, because he was such an "agent of Satan" and "a would-be antichrist." 
Yeah. I'm not proud of that at all. Makes me sick to think of it these days. 

Challenger disaster. 
I was in middle school and a friend of mine said he saw the shuttle blow up in science class. My reaction was "yeah, right..." Then I got home from school and saw the video on the news. I just watched for a while and went to my room, hurting. I didn't know anyone on it, but I remember feeling like crying. And for some reason, saluting. (Yeah. Slightly weird kid.) 

Columbine. (What started this train of thought.) 
This, I remember. I was married and living in Florida. Leah (my wife at the time) and I were at a little - diner, I suppose - on 436, across from a bookstore, behind an officemax. And we saw that on the news and were just dumbfounded that anything like that could happen. Not here. It was just so out there we had a hard time picturing it - and felt horrible for the parents and families. But we just couldn't picture it. 

9/11
I was married. I'd moved back to Wisconsin, because job hunting in coastal Oregon sucks. The plan was for me to get an apartment and job and bring Leah afterward... yeah, didn't happen. But I remember playing Diablo II (and being so proud of my great dialup connection.) I remember someone mentioning a plane hitting the world trade center, and we were talking about "No, no. Probably something like a Cessna. Wonder what happened to the pilot - heart attack or something?" Someone mentioned a suicide attack - specifically saying "kamikaze," and we started getting into a little discussion - then they said "Go watch the news." I actually had a TV then. Turned it on... the story was everywhere. And I remember watching it and seeing the second plane hit as the cameras rolled. Just standing in my "living room" in an apartment (former / current store/hotel/something, first floor... ti was a weird layout) in Johnson Creek, WI. I'd been working overnight at Walmart. For some reason I went back... like a need to tell someone. Or just be around people, i don't know. 

Still there when the Patriot Act was being pushed through, and I remember being worried about it. And I remember watchign Colin Powell give his case for why we had to invade Iraq, and calling him a liar. (Well, his picture on the TV.) Though I was back in Oregon by that point. 

George Harrison's death
Not only because of losing a great musician, but in contrast to Lennon. I was driving - part of me wants to think I was moving back to the Oregon Coast, or it was shortly after. It was night, it was raining, and I was just about to turn onto the road going over the bay bridge going into Coos Bay / North Bend that otherwise led from a friend/artist's house, and I heard it on the radio. I just remember being sad we'd never get anything new from him again and wondering how long we'd have the last two Beatles.

Barak Obama winning the presidency the first time:
Florida. Kitchen of the house in Mount Plymouth. Living with mom, trying to get on my feet after my divorce, trying to help her out. She'd gone to bed. I stayed up... and I remember being *extremely* happy with Obama being declared the winner. Partly because McCain/Palin would have been a disaster - and I say this having thought McCain would have been good a few years previously (and come on, *sarah palin* in any position of power? Ugh....)  - and partly for the sake of history, with our first black president. 

So. Those are the moments I really remember. (Well, other than the first.)

Idle wandering minds

My mind went back to my ex today.

I have no idea where she is, how she is - I'm fairly sure she's still alive, or I'd have heard from one of my friends out her way. But I can't help but wonder how things would have turned out if I'd had my last job - over at plumchoice, working from home - while we'd been married.

I can't help but wonder if we'd still *be* married. If I'd still had a partner... though I have no idea what she'd be like now. I don't know if she's in a home or able to take care of herself. That... I don't know that that would have mattered, in the long run, if I'd be able to take care of her or not.

If keeping her away from the influence of her *mother* would have helped her.

I don't know how or where you are right now, Leah... but I do miss you at times, even now.

Hamming it up

So... just watched most of the Nye/Hamm debate.

Until I reached the Hamm Limit. That's the point at which one more misrepresented or just ridiculous statement out of Ken Hamm's mouth makes me want to resort to violence. I just can't stand listening to him prattle on and thinking that, somehow, his creationism is anything like legitimate. Or a realistic alternative to science.

Not once did he offer a single, testable prediction from creationism. Not once did he really *refute* a single point that showed the weakness of that POV.

He did, however, offer vagueness and varnish and a lot of hand-waving and misrepresentation, ironically referring to science as "smoke and mirrors" when he offered the same thing.

What finally did me in and got me just to the limit of being sick of him was his response about stars. Why is the universe expanding? God said it is. Why did God make all the stars and planets? For his glory...

What kind of answer is that? It's NOT an answer. Not in the scientific sense (give me something testable, something falsifiable,) or even in the common understanding. It's a *response.* And the response is one that just highlights how... *sad* creationism is.

Creationism wants to stifle curiosity. Creationism wants to stifle understanding. Science tries to answer questions. It tests things, rejects the bad, keeps the good - and finds more questions to ask with both sets of results! WHY did this fail? WHY did this succeed? What happens if I change this variable? Science celebrates and embraces curiosity and questioning. Religion? "God did it. That's the end. You don't know God's mind, don't question why."

It's just *sickening.* 

Why'd I do it...

I'm wondering why I left my nice, work at home tech support job for an incoming call center... adn we've barely taken any calls.


Oh, yeah. money.


*sigh*

Despising Windows 8 still

It absolutely flabbergasts me that people can call Windows 8 more usable, or an upgrade.

Maybe with Balmer leaving, they can fix some of this... still.

Example for today: Windows Update.
Windows 7 gives you a smallish window. YOu can look at it, tuck it aside as it checks while working for other things.
Windows 8? Search, it takes you to the full "PC Settings" window. A Metro window. Full fucking screen. For ... a bit of text sayign "updates found" or "you're up to date." Yes, you can scoot it to 1/4 or 2/3 of the screen... which shrinks your desktop, where you're trying to get real work done.

Who thought this was a good idea?

I fucking hate Windows 8. Still.

*grumble*

So. How do you tell someone who seems impressed with... certain information, but thinks it goes "over their head," that the site they're so impressed with is more full of shit than a backed up sewer system in New York?

I just can't think of a tactful way of doing it...

Not going to say who referred me, but I was referred to this site full of past life, spiritual levels, NDE (near death experience) stories, etc. And the only thing I can say about the entire site is it's nothing but a bunch of new-agey, useless bullshit. I read the site, and I see bits and pieces snagged from an interpretation of the bible (strike 1, given there's no evidence of heaven or hell, and the bible's ... well, got plenty of factual issues of its own just dealing with earthly things,) some NDE book (strike 2, as NDEs haven't been proven, BUT the exact same "experiences" are reproducible just via things like pilot testing in centrifuges... and that NDE "experiences" get so much wrong when they're "hearing the doctors" and "floating above their bodies" - such as not seeing out-of-place, easily described objects put on top of cabinets SPECIFICALLY for this sort of thing, like playing cards,) a bit of hindu-ish sounding stuff here, about the only thing missing is dancing around with some crystals going woo-woo-woo.

What pisses me off MORE about the site, though, is that this person - I will hesitate right now in calling the person a con artist, they may well believe the bullshit they spew - is making MONEY on this. What's more, they're apparently "helping" soldiers who are having trouble and need, well, therapy. Someone QUALIFIED to talk to. And instead, this charlatan is doing this bullshit past life regression hypnosis *crap.*

Yes, it makes me seriously *angry.* Just like homeopaths with their "diluted to a drop of water in the ocean, because water has memory!" bullshit alternative medicine ripping people off, or "psychics" that "talk to the dead" by means of cold readings rip people off (and people keep going back - because they DON'T GET CLOSURE - so these assholes keep making money while keeping the person in pain) and the like.

They all need to either prove their stuff scientifically to stay in business, and if (if, ha, try when) they can't, have their assets siezed and returned to their victims and spend some serious time in jail.

Maybe they can read each others crystals and grope their auras while they're in there.

Did I mention...

a bigger telescope?

So my brother had one he hadn't used for a while... older Meade DS. Seems the eyepieces are a little odd - and trying to focus in on something with the 4mm is problematic to me (lenses don't seem parfocal, and 4mm is a keyhole to peek through no matter what,) but I've gotten a closer view of Venus -

Need to play with the electronics some and get that figured out. And find a .965 to 1.25" adaptor for the eyepieces. 

Also - still keeping fingers crossed for word back on a new job. Another $5/hr would be very helpful.

Downside of apartment living

I like my apartment. And I like being "home." Really, I do...


... but it sucks for astronomy.

Admittedly I want a bigger telescope, too, but I've been trying - weather permitting - to catch the Venus-Jupiter-Mercury pairing (tripling?) and I've caught... venus. Jupiter's too low, Venus sets early... and I have rooftops in the way. Blah. (And trying to catch this while weather's semi-cooperative and work is slow, I can't drive out to the middle of nowhere...)

Bigger is better...

... at least when it comes to telescopes.

I want a bigger telescope. Badly.  The little Orion scope I have now isn't bad - I can pick out stars I can't see with the naked eye, I've seen (sort of) Venus and Jupiter - enough to pick out the Galilean moons.

But they're still dots. Big dots, mind, but still dots.

I really want to see detail.

... I also want to get somewhere I can *see* these things, away from lights, apartments and garages blocking things, etc.

Anyone have winning lottery numbers? :)

Random snarkiness...

Soda that's flatter than my ex. Now that's an achievement...

I live... elsewhere, now!

Well, look at this... yes, I've been busy and thoroughly forgot about this. Not like there was a huge following, hmmm?

So, what's happened since my last update? Well, my mom got cancer. (Again. Or still. It moved.) And, after caring for her as best we could, after fighting it, after her being exceptionally brave about the inevitable... she died. It was peaceful, though I wish she could have not had to deal with her final week or two. Not that it was painful, it was just... the worst part of the decline, I suppose. On the other hand, we had the support of the family. She died Feb 13, 2012. Rest in peace, mom. We may not have always agreed - in fact, on many things, we didn't - but you were an awesome mom, and a spectacular example of what a parent should strive to be, even with human failings.

We sold the house, and I moved back home. I now have an apartment maybe two miles from where I grew up - and a very short drive from my sister, nephews and nieces (and slightly longer drive to two of my brothers.) I could probably do with a cheaper apartment, to be honest, but working from home, having an office is nice. And it's where I want to be.

I've had my first REAL winter in years. Yes, snow! Piles of it. It was glorious. Not least because I didn't have to shovel it. (Part of why I'm an apartment dweller.) Sure, too chilly to walk most days, but it's getting warmer now, so it's time to... get better walking shoes and get walking.

NCSoft killed City of Heroes, my mainstay MMO... and were absolute bastards to any attempt to keep it running or for anyone to buy it out. (The studio was working on ways of going independent, actually, and buying it back... NCSoft's "working with" them? Sure, they set up offers and conditions. Let's just say it's like having a 7'7" basketball player telling a three year old they can have their crayons if they can reach them, while holding them at arms reach over their head and pissing on them the whole time.) They did not, from any report, negotiate "in good faith." They negotiated like bastards. There are other efforts to get a superhero MMO out there now... but it'll be years if any bear fruit. Still, I'm getting art done of my characters from old screenshots. I had far too much fun in that game - and not least due to the people I met and became friends with.

I'm making music again... well, trying to. I need to practice much more. I'm freaking rusty as hell.

I'm also probably setting up two more blogs - one dealing with various things about atheism, another for my model building. Just because they're two things important to me. I'll try to update this more, too... but hey, who's actually reading? :) Still, the writing is good exercise. Think I'll try to set up a schedule of updates and stick to it. We'll see if THAT works... *snicker*

In the meantime, some Sting: