Losing contact

I've been trying to get in touch with a friend of mine from high school off and on - I think I mentioned him long ago. Anyway, he had a website with his resume and whatnot on, which I found with a "what the hell" search on Google.

Never did get in touch with him actually.

Well, he's still got the site, no resume - nothing, in fact, but some pictures. (Hey, your index is showing.) Just like Jules, he's got kids and a wife now (well, Julie has a husband, but either way, they're both married.)

I can't help but feel like I've wasted a lot of time, wasted what I was given. He's definitely taken advantage of the incredible mind he had, having done some engineering and management work, being able to start a family... me, I'm still in tech support, pissed off at how I can't seem to get out.

And I think I'm a bit jealous, since Leah and I can't have kids. I mean, we agreed we wouldn't, since she has MS and there's just no way she could care for them (since I'd be the only one working.) Short of winning the lottery, I don't think we'll be *able* to have kids and care for them... and I don't know that I have the temperment for fatherhood any more. I'm a crotchety thirty-two year old.

And to think in high school, it was one of the things I looked forward to.

Of course, part of this is also coming up thanks to my dad passing. I'm the youngest in my family by a decade. I'm going to be around to watch my brothers and sister die, barring an accident or major medical problem. I'm most likely going to outlive my wife, given how her body's been beaten up by MS. Yeah, maybe it's a selfish thought, but if I get like my dad, I'm going to end up in a fucking home somewhere. Who's going to come in and visit, say hi?

I don't want to end up alone.

In other news... the Iraqis voted today. Go you. Now stop the nutjobs doing the suicide bombings so the rest of things over there can get settled down and we can pull our troops out.