I think I mentioned before that my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and that I went home to be with my family and see him and my mom before he went. The cancer was spreading very fast through his body - the doctor, to his credit, was very blunt with my dad about what was going to happen, that he had to prepare himself to die.
My dad's getting ready to go now. He's been (depending on who you ask) hallucinating or seeing angels/spirits, as well as slipping between lucidity and old memories (like Korea.)
My sister and one of my brothers are down there, my other brother's heading down. My dad doesn't think he's going to survive the weekend.
In a way, I hope he doesn't. He's ready to go - he's even been asking why death is taking so long to get to him, and why he has to wait. I just want him to be at peace, to be able to rest, and for my mom and the rest of my family to be able to move on.
As odd as this next bit sounds, my dad deserves death. Not in a bad way - this is not "I hate my dad" or "justice," this is more a case of a wonderful man, loving husband and awesome dad who has lived a full life, done a great job raising his family, and has nothing left to regret, nothing left undone, and truly deserves his rest. If there's a heaven - even if the afterlife is just made up for each one of us - he deserves his place there.
I can't go down to see him - one cross country trip was hard enough to get done, we can't afford two - yet I don't need to. Everything was said over Thanksgiving. He knows I'm proud of him, that I love him, and he said the same to me. To all of us.
Yet I still have to say, once more - I love you, Dad. Thank you for not dying on Christmas. Just hold on for Craig to get there, so he can say goodbye as well - that's the only reason I have to hope you linger just a little longer. After that - as the poet said - may flights of angels speed you on your way. You can go, surrounded by the love of your family, by the satisfaction of knowing you raised us properly, by knowing you did make the world better.
When you go, go in peace and love.
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