There are times I think I'm losing myself, losing my past.

It's an odd way to feel, after the way today went (tax return came in, paid insurance, got two calls about jobs, one of which I go in to fill paperwork out for tomorrow.) Yet... I don't know, I just feel lost.

In another year, I'll have been out of high school for 15 years. And what have I done since then... not much.

I miss my friends from high school. I'm 2000+ miles away from most of them - Julie, Genevieve and Erik most of all. I actually miss Gidget, too. They've all been on my mind for some reason. I'd love to find something - anything - a picture or something, more recent than what's in my old yearbooks.

I need my past back. I don't know if this is what most folks would consider a "midlife crisis" - I hope not, or I'll have a short life. I don't like where my life is going. The only things I've done right are... well, married a wonderful woman, and tried to help out people. Credit sucks, money's gone, but..

Maybe working will get my mind off of it. Not to mention make me *able* to get my own place, visit friends and family... you know the drill...

I don't know if I'm depressed, nervous about tomorrow, longing for high school (when things were much, much simpler...) I just don't know.

I miss my wife.

I miss my old friends. Nothing wrong with my new ones - good people, all 'round - but I miss my friends from high school.

Hell, I miss Wisconsin.

What's odd is the person I've "talked" to (well, came across in email) most recently is Gidget, and that was while I was in WI. We broke up badly... very badly. And I'd carreid a lot of... well, some guilt, since I didn't know how to handle it, but a lot of other baggage. And emailing her - actually to say "I'm sorry I kind of flipped out - I wish I hadn't, since I lost a good friendship because of it" helped tremendously. Perhaps on both sides, I don't know.

I carry stuff way too long.

*sigh*