You know, my wife keeps talking about not wanting to let me go, even though she (and her mother) brought up how stressed I've been getting because of having to care for her. (Yay, run on sentence.) See, she has MS. I've been trying to care for her, though it hasn't been... well, easy, true. We found out she had MS, but it didn't really "affect" us at first. She had some balance issues and things, no big deal. She started on Avonex, and because there was no work here, I left for my home state of Wisconsin.

Well, I came back here six months or so later because she'd started to have seizures. I gave up a job (temp, but still, wiping down bikes after being glued together at Trek for $9/hour wasn't bad.... 3 AM was bad, but $9 an hour wasn't .) Gave up a decent size apartment (used to be a storefront, very LONG apartment, $525/mo.) And drove back on the tail end of a winter storm (so much fun in the mountains) to here, Oregon, to care for her.

Hell, I didn't know if she'd even be alive this long, given how her seizures were at the time.

That was 18 months ago. I haven't held a job since then. We've fought to get her disability, to pay for an apartment for me for a year (no room at her mother's place, which is where I am now.) And a lot of stress... to the point where it's affected me, both physically and mentally.

They noticed, sat me down, and talked to me. Leah feels bad (as usual - hate to say that, but it's true) and thinks it's her fault I'm so stressed. No, it's not, I made the choice to come back here, after all... She feels sort of lost, since we'll be divorcing (to help her with the government, and for my health, essentially) - I cant' say I blame her, I'll feel the same way. I have one thing going on she doesn't seem to, though - I feel like a failure, like I couldn't cut it, like I couldn't be what I needed to be for her...

Not for lack of trying, mind you.

And now she's talking to an old boyfriend. Her first boyfriend, apparently, who we found when someone else replied to an ad I put in the paper to take a pile (BIG pile) of old Macs off my hands. Turns out the person who replied is the ex's brother. They never broke up, he joined the navy or something, then just disappeared after two letters. They're talking a lot now... sometimes 8 hours a day (online.)

Not sure how I feel about that at the moment. On the one hand, I've never been *jealous.* And she's going to need someone to talk to when we're finally divorced. On the other hand, we're not divorced *yet.* And he told her he never fell OUT of love with her - that that fact, actually, helped end his marriage.

Yay. And sometimes I feel she's hiding something... I don' tknow. He's not around, it's not like she's fooling around on me or anything. I just... Idunno.

Kit noews - working on a Lindberg P6E Hawk. Wish I'd known how the interplanestruts were supposed to go. Started to hate this kit.. tried trimming stuff to fit, didn't quite work, because the struts weren't lined up right. Now that they are, the struts are too short... and don't even talk to me about rigging it. Ugh. Not fun.